End of An Era

I got this off of a fellow blogger's blog who got it off of a facebook survey/note thing-or-another. This is pretty much 10 things i'd want to say to 10 people --WITHOUT mentioning their names, and in all honesty I wanted to use the majority of hers 'cause homegirl's were ON point and i could def see myself saying this to these people, but anyway. I said i wasn't going to blog anymore for this year, but i have to leave with a BANG (since i wont be getting any other BANGS, -_-) Here goes (In No Particular Order):

1. I will never do what you did. I'm a leader in my own right but none of that has anything to do with you. Whatever path I've seen you take, I've chosen to go completely the opposite for fear of becoming anything even remotely close to what you are. And regardless what you go through, I shouldn't be made to feel equally as miserable as you. That's not how these things work. I'll never allow that to happen when my time comes.

2.You messed up our plan. This was in NO way how things were supposed to turn out. We planned sooo far into the future and you had to bring in some new bumps in the road. & Now you're tryna make plans and you get mad when I tell you, you shouldnt be doing this now since you have bigger and better responsibilities. We always said it was gonna be another replica of what we were shown .. and then you dropped the bomb and things went array. I guess it's true, "the best laid plans of Mice and Men oft' go astray".

3.I'm sure I've forgiven you. And though I'm sure I could never give you another chance, I'm not sure if I ever fell out of love... just knew that I grew into a different person. It's trippy. I've been praying that you get to a place where me saying things like this doesn't make you think you have leadway to "try me".


4. Someone besides me needs to tell you how fricken AWESOME you are. Because you AREEEE, but unfortunately you dont even believe ME when i tell you this. but, i promise i wont stop saying it until i firmly believe that you believe it. and even then i'll still randomly remind you.

5."It disturbs me how comfortable you are playing the role of victim. I acknowledge that you really can't catch a break. Something is always being thrown at you, but I'm waiting for you to just handle it... to rise above it all.. to become bigger than your situation.. to start telling your problems about your God instead of things happening the other way around. I'm rambling, but really-I'm prematurely proud of you. For now, it's just because you're still here despite it all, but I'm anxious for the day I can say I'm proud because you came to bat swingin.

6.I genuinely enjoy your company. & I've had to catch my attitude at times because I probably came across as stepping outside my boundaries but its because i'm extremely emotionally possessive of the people I enjoy spending my time with. I value ALL of my time and so if i want to share this precious time w/ certain people and it gets taken away or infringed upon-then i get upset. Blatently upset, and i'm not ashamed to say that this is the case. But sometimes I'm under the impression that YOU'RE under the impression that i like you on some other level. And I say this because of either 1) the things you say when im merely tryna chill as homies or 2) iforgotwhatiwasgonnasay. but, either way I like spending time with you, i could shoot the shit with you for the rest of my life. But not on some lovey-dovey stuff, merely on some "just stop what you're doing and enjoy me and your surroundings" type of stuff.

7.I wonder if you were always this nosey. If maybe you have no situations or predicaments of your own so you feel the need to pry on the lives' of others. Whatever the case may be, it's getting real old. and you're never gonna get the answer you're looking for so you may as well stop playing Sherlock Holmes now while you're ahead. Unless you do this for pure sport and genuinely enjoy the nothingness that is you're life. Ya'know, whatever.


*To Be Continued* - I'm tired.
8.

Peppa

At this time last year, an acquaintance of mine asked me to hook her up with a co-worker. And i happily obliged..i mean, i love playing matchmaker..and on this occasion it was too easy. They were two cooperative parties and i hardly did any work but exchange their phone numbers. And even tho that kinship hardly too flight, i got something AMAZING out of it.

A best friend.

And as this year comes to a close, i have to show my love for my homie Peppa.'Cause when i look back at this year and all the fun times and parties and inside jokes i've had ..a good 90% percent of them have been with you, Pep. And not to inflate your already big head, but you're the shit. And this post isnt gonna be one of those poetic and profound pieces. It's the real deal.i'm greatful for you trying to piece me together when i'm clearly a hott mess and just all over the place.

And hopefully if/when you read this..you'll know that ur one of my favorite people ever.

Yeah, Ever.
And there are only like 4, maybe 5 fav ppl of mine. And most of them are famous so that should indicate where you stand.Lol

And when i'm mean to you, or give you short answers and act like a straight up "B-word", even tho i know you might just wanna back-hand me...(Lol) ..that's when i need ya the most. And you must already know that bcuz when im annoyed you never leave me the hell alone, lol

But, that's just how i like it. :)

ily
Your homie,
Salt.

Better Than This

A random girl that i used to party with in my later highschool years just initiated a facebook chat with me and she's a sweetheart of a girl, but i found this all too random. I saw her at one of my bestfriend's birthday events at club Climax a couple weeks ago and apparently that night she saw someone that caught her eye. She was just wondering what this person's "situation" was and whether or not I knew them.

Turns out I have absolutely NO idea who this person is. Haha, but that's not even my main focus. My main focus is that she came at me in a calm and cool way (as she should have :] ) and before she asked anything--she stated she doesn't know of who i chill with nor anyone's dating situation and she doesn't want to step on anyone's toes because if she is/was she would immediately step back and keep it movin'.

I found this so admirable.

And relevant.

How so, you ask? Well, seriously, for those few that have actually taken the time to get to know me and my personal life from years back all the way up to modern day, you would see that i've always been in the predicament in which either my toes were being stepped on or--more likely--i would step on other's toes. And it's not something i'm proud of by ANY means.. this was just the situation that would surround me on more than one occasion. This meaning I'd carry around the mentality of "I don't give a fuck, if things happen with (*insert dude's name here*) then so be it. His situation is none of my concern, if he's down then so am i" type of stilo. And i promise, it really doesn't come across as disrespectful and whore-ish as i just made it seem, but that's the jist of it. And it's not a good look..

I'm done doing that.
Done with overstepping my boundaries and expecting more than whats given to me. I can't do that stuff anymore and I may feel some type of way about it at first but, i honestly don't want to step on anyone's toes anymore. I don't want to have to live MY life in shadows anymore.

I want to do me OUTLOUD. and without giving a fuck about what anyone's going to say because it's not a fucking secret. I'm tiredddddd of secrets. About 85% of my life has been in secrecy. I'm not the fricken Taliban, i shouldn't have to live this way. It's unfair to me.

Mind you, I'm not saying this is entirely to blame on others. NO. this is mostly my fault for taking part in secret situations. For obliging to these circumstances where I get assed out in the end. And as appropriate as it may seem, this New Years Resolution is going to be about change (Arent't they all, you say?) but about me looking for things that are going to benefit me. And with that said, i'm through stepping on people's toes. It's unfair, it's cruel, and it's something i don't want done to me. Because it's time I'm happy with everything in my life and not just what goes on behind closed doors.

I deserve at least that.

Fierce

i wiiiiiiiiiiish I was bold enough to get sleeve tattoos and stomach tatts and fingures and other appendages, but that's not gonna happen. Considering I want to go to law school and study corporate law and that fact that i hardly like wearing clothes now as it is, me covering them up later is gonna be a real bitch.

Sort of like that Secret Lives of Women show on *insert women's network channel name here*.

I love how this looks >:[

E & J

Lol, I made myelf laugh with the title of this post. I'm so clever [NOT], but its okay to dream haha. Soooooo I had heard about these BET Cyphers on twitter via @mousebudden which is Joe Budden's twitter account & people kept mentioning how his was one of the best freestyles, but I had yet to know wtf these people were referring to. And I saw the BET Awards but didn't peep these Cyphers. Maybe because Nicki Minaj was first & I havent even begun to discuss my lack on interest in this girl. Oh, my mistake -- this "Barbie" . Girl, please. Bye!

So here is Eminem & Joe Budden [a'la "E&J"] and these verses have the be the besttt ones from that night, but if there was a clip of Mos Def, Joey, and Em I'd put that one up instead because I was definitely feelin' his flow too.

ENJOY it because it's hella dope -- yeah, I said "hella" SO WHAT?

Devil Say Mama

Stank breath is a crime, y'all and it's one of my biggest fears which is why I always carry a travel-size toothbrush because it's nottt cute. Having stank-ass breath is NOT cute. &LMAO at dude asking all questions that started with the letter "H". Seems like those are the only words people wanna use when they're all up in your face.

I love me some creativity and this here, be that.

No One Look

Too Often

I've gotten the same overall message these past few days and i understand it, but to hear it from people who don't even know me - is crazy.

First, I get told, over dinner yesterday, that I'm difficult. Period. Just plain ol' difficult and I honestly don't even know how else to handle when i'm told these things. What am i supposed to say that I havent already said? And then today..

Today was .. interesting to say the least. My horoscope, tarot cards, and a random dude i just met who said he could use my date of birth and zodiac sign to guess my personality - were ALL dead on. And not in a good way.

So this is what i've gotten, that i'm the type of person who:

1. It's either my way or the highway. Literally, dude said this to me. That I like to do things my own way and have a hard time compromising. =[

2. While other people consider their words carefully, I - on the other hand - blurt things out as soon as I think them and don't care about how these words will affect other people =[

3. I have a hot temper and even tho I don't wear all my emotions on my sleeve, its obvious when something is irritating me and my "ego" won't let me say what it is. =[


This is just the jist of what I was getting and like, whatthefuckkkk? Hearing this sucks on so many levels even tho I know, I know, I know, I KNOW i'm a difficult person to get to know and to get comfortable around, and all that jazz but i tryyyyyyy. Is that not enough? Shit.
How do i get to a point where this ISN'T what people associate when they think of me. Because it sucks and i'm sick of it. and it's sooo far from my actual intentions.

Dude also said I have a good heart but this is just the way things come across.

Man....fuck that!

Held Hostage

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

--Neil Gaiman



'because that's EXACTLY how i feel. blahhhh.

Smitten

http://twentyfourzeroone.blogspot.com/




I like this. I like this a lot, but i'd have to disagree with the "Am I happy?" answer ..
I got this from the above (linked) blog that I recently came across. It's very appropriate. Atleast for today

(Sorry!:] )

Sounds Abt Right

"Somebody that makes you laugh more than they make you cry. And enjoys, revels and participates in the absolute silly that is you."


*sigh*


THIS is what i need/want.

Of Course

It really doesn't even make sense in my head anymore, but I hate that I change my mind on this subject every fricken day. Today i'm erked and annoyed and irritated. I wish i knew why, too.

(But i don't so don't ask me.)

Like, wtf? I've never been so undecided in my life & I'm so tired of it.

But what did I expect? Nothing, actually -- I've learned not to expect anything from anyone. I learned that a longgg time ago, but its still difficult to handle when you're let down by people you trust .. or people who made you believe they could be trusted. . it's all just a very misleading situation. but of course this would happen to me.

Story of my life.

Closer than Family

I dare somebody to fuck with one of these people.
Not that my tiny ass would do much harm or anything, but i'd die trying - word to ya mothaaaa!

You don't understand how happy these four dudes make me & on my birthday --WHATTT??! To have all of 'em there celebrating with me?? *tears*. Pure happiness


*sigh*
i love 'em .

Simplicity

i wish you knew.

So I'll Text You

This is so cute. There's a BraveNewVoices version of this and the audio's a bit better but i couldn't find it on YouTube but i found what i think is the original of Mike Taylor reciting it. It's sweet; i can dig it.

Let You Slide

While reading my last entry and especially the shoutout down below, I came across this poem that I thought would be a great segway because it describes my feelings towards friendship. Hope ya like it.


...Right now he feels like everything is lost
That's why I'm glad he came to me to give me this opportunity to put a few thoughts across
You see, all day and all night we talk
And I tell em
A man is judged by what's in his soul
And what's in his heart
And not just by what's in his pockets
Me and him are friends through thick and thin
And if he's in pain
We need to put our brains, time and money together to stop it
I tell em' the fact that we don't have a lot of money is a problem
But rather than getting fed up
What we need to do is wake up
And like Moses and Jacob
Whenever we get together,
Just find new ways to prophet (profit)
Cause in my eyes our friendship is how we live
And how we die
And don't you ever believe that even for a second
That I would EVER let you slide
For what I'm about to say
I need you to listen with all your pride and sexuality aside
Cause as God as my guide
Like my own self
I love you

"Brotherly Love"
-- Taalam Acey

C. Bradshaw

I've never paid much mind to the whole Sex in the City phenomena, but i just caught two episdoes on tbs (very funny) and what i do like about this show is Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker)'s character in which she narrarates throughout the episode and her little anecdotes are very witty and clever and relavant to a girl's life. She does this by typing in her laptop--presumably her column in some sort of magazine, newspaper, whatever it is--and it reminds me of myself typing away on this here blog day in and day out and this has helped me consider taking my blog in a different direction.

I've noticed I've been blogging moreso about my personal life and my feelings and emotions and blah, blah, BLAH. And i don't think anyone wants to read about that stuff anymore and so i'm trying to steer this blog back in the direction it was in about a year ago. More about random shinanigans, and interesting facts around the world. This might even take a while for me to begin to do because those posts demand research ..and i dont like doing that unless its for school. I also can't make this become some sort of assignment because i genuinely enjoy blogging and i don't want it to become something i hate. it's a hobby and i love it =]

That's all for now.



Shout out to my best of the besties for his USMarshall business :] Congrats! <3
I honestly dont even know what that job entails but it must be something good since he's all excited about it. and like i said, Good things happen to Good people =]

The Audacity

A 35-year-old HIV-positive man in New Zealand injected his blood into his wife while she was sleeping, thereby infecting her with the virus, court documents have revealed.

According to a report in New Zealand's Sunday Star-Times, the man did it so that his wife would start having sex with him again, as she had refused to do so out of fear of contracting the disease. He gave her the virus by pricking her with a sewing needle tainted with his blood.

More details from Sky News:

In the documents, the wife described how, in May, 2008, she found a sting-like mark on her left thigh and two days later awoke to a stinging feeling in her leg.

She said: "I got up... and I flicked the blankets... I looked at (the husband) and he was wide awake."

The wife asked him if he had pricked her and he said, 'No'. But she later found evidence of "blood sprinkles" on their duvet, which she said her husband tried to hide from her.


The husband is currently in prison awaiting sentencing, and faces up to 14 years in jail.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/06/hiv-positive-man-injects_n_381780.html

There are NO words. I would be so pissed the fuck off.

Self Explanatory

Speaks for itself, don't it?

Unfortunate

These kinds of sayings have stirred up trouble among some of my friends (@mightyfranso/@jibarasa) for their own individual reasons, whatever they may be, but i felt like this picture could NOT go unposted. I mean, I can relate. My coworkers can relate. Anyone who works for tips and deals with different personalities and has to swallow a lot of people's attitudes and bullshit for a living can definitely understand.




But can i get an "Amen" though?

Reintroduce Yourself

Happy Birthday, Hov !

Follow Kings Orders

"When I think Cupid's arrow is pointing my way, it hits the person behind me. See, I think Cupid is blind see."


There are moments in this poem where her passion for her man is so obvious, it's sexy. Definitely something I can admire. I love coming across new poetry, even though I think I've heard this one before.

Enjoy :]

Coming to Terms

There's something both satisfying and unsettling when you realize finally that you deserve better than you've been allowing. Satisfying because you feel, "Finally. This is what that feels like." and Unsettling because you think, "How did I let this go on for so long? Why was I so comfortable in this disarray?" To the point where feeling bad was better than feeling nothing.

And that is unacceptable.

It's like getting so used to crumbs that when someone offers you fresh baked loaves of bread, you run away because you think they're too good to be true and I can't stand the idea that I have to actively talk myself out of crumbs but still can't accept the loaves.



I forgot to mention this before, but Happy December.

Learning

I love the idea of "new history" because it perfectly captures the relationship so many of us have with the past. No matter how hard we try to let go of it -- to learn from it and move forward -- all we're really doing is creating new history, trying to learn from past mistakes, but inevitably making new ones that will haunt us in the future. The past, it would seem, is inescapable. Everything we are today is the product of who we were yesterday, last month, last year: the choices we made, the red lights we ran, the things said and maybe shouldn't have, the people we loved, and the people we didn't. So, how to make peace with the past? What can be done about mistakes we made, the lies we told, and the people we hurt to get where we are today?

I wish I knew.

Reaching

Creativity is essentially a lonely art.
An even lonelier struggle. To some
a blessing. To others a curse. It is in
reality the ability to reach inside yourself and
drag forth from your very soul an i d e a .

--Lou Dorfsman

L'ultimo

Last day in November!

Which means absolutely nothing, actually, except that December is here in no time which means the semester is almost over, which means the next one will soon begin, and then soon end and before you know it i'll be blogging about my graduation.

but, i might be getting a little ahead of myself.

let's wait and see.

BLAH

Contemplating

Seriously, I need to make up my fricken mind already. I've been toying with the idea of pledging a sorority since I was a freshman and some of my cousins are in sorority's (One in Cali, the other in NY) and they both tell me it's a "great experience" blahblahblah. & I also have coworkers and friends that are in one or in some type of Greek organization and they say its all worth it. But then again, of course they would say that -- considering they're already in one. So, in other words: Duh.

I might need a neutral third party opinion but that might defeat the purpose considering they're going to have the same amount of mixed emotions as i'm having now. I'm going to weighout the benefits of the organizations I could possibly be interested in and hopefully I find my answer there.

These damn probates, I'm tellin' you.. they always motivate me to WANT to do more. and then i forget about them and get all lazy and can't even get my fatass up to go to a fricken Interest meeting. We'll see how this pans out.

Oy vey.

Oh, Janet

This is exactly what I needed before going to bed.
Miss Jackson's NEW music video for her NEW single "Make Me".

=]

Trash Talk

Time to take out the motherfuckin' trash and by that, i mean getting rid of this shitty ass job and finding me a real one. Because this bullshit just isnt cutting it anymore.

(Via: @dreachavs : i hate RL but love shailyn ) :) love her

But not for nothing, even the people aren't cutting it anymore. I used to think that keeping these friendly ties would one day benefit me, but its not even worth it anymore. I can make friends anywhere. And i honestly, honestly, honestly wanted to be out of this hell hole (for those of you who don't know the inferno of which i speak of, i'm talking about RedLobster. Yeah, i said it. Ask about me.) So..i wanted to be out of here by the end of October, but it's now the week of Thanksgiving and im still here. I really thought i'd dip out of here too, but then my friend came back and the movie theatre opened and i assumed it'd pick up and i'd make as much as i used to ..but to no avail.

'Some bullshit, i'm tellin yall.

Missed Opportunity

"I think sometimes, you can get fixated on one person and miss the people who are better suited floating around you."

Am I Crazy?

...no?

This deserves some kind of award. I was actually mentioning today how I should get an award for absolutely no reason. Maybe this could be my reas-- I'll stop.

I'm Just Sayin,

S

Raindrops

I'm in my car waiting for my cousin to come downstairs so we can go and watch New Moon and see what all the fuss is about, but of course i start to get all deep into thought and reintroduce the idea of evaluating my life. And quite frankly, it sucks.

I'm sick ..and it's come and gone this entire week to the point where it prevented me from going to work Sunday night. And that's pretty much how i feel now. Really ..just..blahh. Strung out and exhausted. Annoyed and irritated. I'm just not impressed by anything. Im not close to graduating (semi-close), im not working where i'd like to, i dont think i could genuinely rely on any given person or people, the same dudes keep coming in and out of my life with no sense of progress from any of them, and i feel like someone's playing Marrionette with my life. As if i have absolutely no control.

Do you guys think i'm bipolar? I hope not, because thats a legitamate disease and it takes a lot to be diagnosed with it. But im honestly asking because i know my last post was relatively "perky" (so to speak)

But, i guess this is how most females are: overtly emotional and passionate about things. I'm just a small-town girl (living in a lonely worldddd!!! ..right? Haha) who wishes she had more on her plate than what's being offered to me.but i KNOW - KNOW - KNOW that my main problem is not speaking out --publicly-- about whats bothering me, to the people that it has to deal with. And i keep alot of shit bottled inside. Honestly tho, if i didnt have this blog ..i'd probably self destruct. Even though i dont really write down everythingggg (i'd be a fool to do so) but, it helps. It really does. Maybe i should voice my thoughts more often..

I guess it's true when you hear the saying, "a closed mouth don't get fed." Okay maybe its not a saying ..just a Hov quote, but still very much appropriate.


Whatever.

Detonate

Hola amigos *Bart Simpson voice*

So i've been my usual self lately. Ya'know ..misbehaving, acting inappropriately, making bad decisions, things of that nature--that at this point--are of no surprise to me. I wonder when that's all going to stop, though. How long this is going to last. Perhaps I have to "get it out of my system" so to speak. I don't really believe in that kind of hoopla though. So, i guess this will continue until I find some kind of alternative. Which i'm not going to necessarily look for .. but i'm just going to sit back and let the change find me. Does that make sense?

I'm feeling relatively nonchalant right now. Somewhat carefree. I'm not completely sure why, but then again I don't really care. And I normally don't blog when I feel this way; normally I blog when i'm feeling some type of way, or I have something I want to get off my chest, or I feel like calling someone out on their mistakes, or when my blood is boiling to the point where I want to shank the shit out of one of my friends (except my sbf, Andrea, I absolutely love/adore her always).

But yeah, that's my mental state for the time being. Pretty leveled and sane. Let's see how long this'll last. Considering I'm a basketcase and tomorrow someone will piss me off, or erk the shit out of me, or "get under my skin" and the mood on this page will shift all over again, but until then i'm feeling peachy. And to prove it, here's a jolly quote:


"I put an intention in a first class seat on a paper airplane. It will detonate love upon landing & then return to me, safely. Prize in hand." -- author unknown

It's profound and beautiful and poetic and pretty =]


"Love someone & mean it,"
S

Temporary

"We weren't in love, just in season... No trespassing, cause you are past trusting."

-Alysia

I Don't Care

&this isn't me "pretending" to be strong or "making believe" things dont bother me. Nope. This is me saying plain and simple that i do not care.


And YOU have some nerveeeee, trying to get my attention again. Like we havent been through enuff. Maybe that's the root of all my frustrations this week but, how dare you. How dare you want to put me through all your nonsense again.and how dare i even consider letting you back in. Shame on me, forreal.

But on another note: Im human and things are going to bother me. Things that i said wouldnt phaze me ..are eventually going to phaze me. And no one can sit here and pretend like that's never happened to them. But im not blogging to look for reassurance; im blogging in hopes that i can make myself believe that i'm not wrong. Because im not.so i'm doing this so that soon enough i can come back and re-read these thoughts and tell myself that i'm right. Atleast thats what im telling myself..and My reasons behind my acting/reacting this way are because i feel im entitled to do so. And if i keep these reactions to myself i might just go into cardiac arrest.and im just at the point where i dont care.

I dont care
I dont care
I dont care

Deadass, i just dont. Because this would imply that there was something to care about. And there isnt. You're not worth me stressing. Or me letting you get "under my skin". I'm just saying that what you're attempting ...is so unfair to all parties involved. And its selfish. And its careless. And its you being neglegent. And i just dont care.


Anymore.

And if ya don't know what im talking about or you feel the need to ask "why" or "how come" or "be specific" then you just need to go somewhere. Somewhere far. Far away from me.

Number 27

The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees
The New York Yankees

:)

Reflect on Love

"I want to use this space to reflect on love. The need to hold it and own it and push it through at all cost. We fear it. We want to push it from us while complaining and moaning that we don’t have it. We do have it. It may not look like what we expected. It might be a little shorter. It might talk too much. It might want to hold you when you just want to be left alone but it’s there.

We are missing this ability to remember that through it all at the darkest, the wettest, the most mournful, it is our innate and infinite capacity to give and receive love that keeps us moving. Keeps us mourning within the confines of “this too shall pass” and it will and it does. I don’t know a lot about a lot but I know this to be true. There is a sadness pulling at me right now, thinking of all that’s lost but I am forcing myself to focus on the things and the people that give and receive love freely. And the people who give and receive love reluctantly. And the spaces and places and faces on this planet that need it the most.

I know I say it every day and it’s taken on this perverse one-woman cliche affect but I’ve never in my life meant it more. Love someone and mean it. Love a bunch of “someones” and mean it. It’s just that simple. Just that necessary. Just that “enough” to get you past what’s missing and into what’s there. Start with yourself and work the edges."

-Bassey Ikpi


Apparently my NEW obsession =]



P.S. Happy November !

Never, Ever

"Never OVERestimate your importance in someone's life"
- Bassey Ikpi

HaHaHa

"You're the gift that keeps on giving me shit i CAN'T use. Like a gift card to the Men's Warehouse. Is it for you or for me ??"

- Bassey Ikpi



I'm just sayin' :]

Right Here

"I wish you were here, but you're not here - you're there. & there doesn't know how lucky it is to have you"
- anonymous



Too sweet for words :]

This is It

Mama Sey Mama Sah Mama Coo Sah

"20 days straight of rain in the Northeast
And Thursday the sun broke
Clear and bright and hot and perfect
But no one seemed to notice
Electronic whispers from the West
Alerted us of an angel getting her wings
We were ready for that...

Then came the noise
Loud urgent frightening
Radio waves interruped the car ride home
Rumors of cardiac arrest
His heart stopped
and my heart stopped
and I waited assuming
that this was just another one of the things
that they say about him
that I am not going to believe
until they prove it

And Katie Couric confirmed it
And I didn't believe that either
and my girlfriend called
and I didn't believe her either
and my sister called and wanted to know if I was devastated
and I had to ask God for forgiveness
I had idolized him
I was surprised when
I found out
he wouldn't live forever

And the flashbacks started
and how was I ever going to be Michael Jackson
if my mother wouldn't let me get a curl?
but she did get me the doll
and the Beat it shirt
and the glittery socks
and when he stepped on stage
in 1988
I was all up in there
And I cried
then
and again that morning

He touched lives
Spending his time
on earth as a smile maker
setting trends with his unusual behavior
that perpetual child-like wierdness
and we accepted it
and anyone who says they didn't attempt the Thriller dance
is a liar"

(continuation..)

This is It Pt 2

(continuation..)

and he may have been lonely
but he was never alone
we were rocking with him

and his human nature
and we remember the time
he was starting something
and the man in the mirror
shared that beat of love...
And when he said mama say mama sah moo mah coo sah
we knew exactly what he was speaking of

the broad nose on the handsome brown face
didn't stay
but the gift
never went anywhere
He didn't change the game
he came up with it
father of three kids
but daddy to everyone who has stepped on stage since
and he left too much of himself behind
to ever really be missed

And I choose to believe
that when they call roll in Paradise
he'll be on the VIP list
setting the party off
like he always has.

We love you Michael."

--Lynnette Johnson

From Here to Spain

"Ode to the good ones "

The promise keepers
Fearless leaders
Bedtime story readers
Corporate warriors
Silent soldiers
Commanders of inner peace
Slayers of Beasts!

Scripture quoting
Election voting
Bible toting
Lawn mowing
Daddies

Three cheers for the curled bicep
Where the new baby slept
And also served as tree branch from which her older sister could swing

Much respect to
The gentle hand of discipline
That would applaud at dance recitals
And when the children's choir would sing

21 gun salute
To the ones that add value to a community
Steering clear of stereotypical buffoonery
Giving their daughters immunity
From all the negative statistics
Because they are employed, present and consistent

Big-up to the children of men
Who had to read about abuse and neglect to know what it meant

Let's throw a parade for the payers of student loans
For children who are grown
And have not yet earned a degree
Who say they are happy no matter what their kids do
And just want to see them happy

Let's give a hand clap to the men who can stand and say
Barack ain't the only brotha that loves his family

Kudos to the men who set a standard with the bar so high
It's no wonder his daughters ain't married.

For the only man who's love I have never doubted

My Daddy."

--Lynnette Johnson

Brilliance =]

I Dare You

"People love others not for who they are, but for how they make them feel."
- Irwin Federman


"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his/her reactions to you; when you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable"
- Dr. Joyce Brothers

Real Talk

I do a lot of not so smart things on the regular. It's this weird impulse that pulls me towards things. My brain says, "stop it. You know this is wrong." Meanwhile my heart says, "It's different this time." I'm always ignoring one thing or the other. Trying to pretend that things are fine or "normal". I'm not exactly sure I know what "normal" is. I'm pretty sure I'm not it though.

I tend to watch people and situations. Trying to figure out certain things and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not normal. And I want to be. I want to be normal. I want to be some regular girl with regular emotions and regular ways of expressing and living and loving and laughing. This other way, gets too hard. It gets too big. It gets too confusing.and frustrating. And exhausting. And stupid. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. All of it. But I don't know how to do it differently. Normally i'd be extermely mad at myself right now. And I'd be so disappointed and I'd feel like I failed. And I'm not sure how to talk myself out of it. or back rather.I'm just too much.
Too difficult. Too intense. I'm not an easy person to know or love. And I used to be ok with that. Now it's just lonely.

And it's not poetic or profound. It's just what it is. I'm just really fucking exhausted.And the smart part of me (the part that's left) knows it's not real; that it's all mind tricks and broken brain but it feels real.And all I know is what I feel. And that's all I got. I don't have much else. I need to figure out how to talk myself out of this.It just feels big. I can't see past it. And I hate that I have to be this open and raw nerved because people dont' respect it.They want you to be strong and brave and courageous and sometimes you just feel small and scared and exposed. And it sucks.You kinda just want one dry faced day. One moment when your stomach isn't folded into itself. A period when the mind is quiet and not racing. When you dont' feel like you're always doing something wrong. or about to.

I feel like I'm always breaking someone or something.

I know I look tiny but I feel like I break everything I touch. I'm doing the best I can. I really am but it doesn't feel like enough.


*sigh*

:)

Honestly

"If I had one gift that I could give you, my friend, it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you, because only then would you know how extremely special you are."

--B.A. Billingsly


Sometimes a reminder is always good too :)

Plain, Simple Truth

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.Slower is better.Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends'. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think 'it will get better' You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...

There is nothing cute about baggage.... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil

You should know that:You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.

They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one.

Ladies take care of your own hearts...



WORD:)

Hunting Season

As i sit here waiting for my math class to begin, im thinking about this shitty ass weather and how fricken cold it is and then i remember that it's also boo loving season. People are on the motherfuckin battlefield looking for ppl to snuggle with during those cold nights. And once summer roles around again..or even spring, they start dropping 'em like flies.

But back to this hunting. It reminds me of that old bugs bunny/ daffy duck skit "rabbit season/duck season-rabbit season/duck season!" Ah, one of the classics. but anyways..i just want to vent really quickly and say that i dnt want to recruit just ONE cuddler. Is that bad? Im sorry that i have too much pep in my step for one person. But thats where the double standard comes in..and quite frankly, i dont give a shit.

So what i'm an equal opportunity employer. So-thefuck-what?? Dudes do it all the time. Flip 'em like cups. Some more than others ...some much more than others...some, extremely more than others to the point where it might even become unhealthy *cough*cough*

But thats not what im trying to pursue. I just like keeping my options open. I mean, for the love of God Halloween's coming and thats just the most wonderful time of the year!

But im pretty sure this madness will just last until halloween. And after that i can almost guarantee that i'm guna wanna start the hunting game myself.

A girl's gotta settle down eventually.

Queen

A woman's body is her temple. She must surround it with only kings who are man enough to fight the way but never dumb enough to touch the queen."

--Jasmine McCrawford

Just Sayin'

"They can't touch me while I'm alive
& once i'm dead, who cares ?! " --John F. Kennedy

ALDS - NYY

Math to Victory: 11 Total Playoff Wins to become World Series Champs.

So far:

3 Wins = ALDS Champs

Awaiting:

4 Wins = ALCS Champs [& American League Champs]

Followed by:

4 WS Wins = World Series Champs !


Let's hope for the best!!!!

Thrilling

Why am i still thinking about that, tho?
That was mad fun.


Seriously ;] .


deep breath

TAG. You're it

Finally ! So, after trying to go to this spot--the NuyoRican Poets Cafe--for SO longggg: we finally went! And it was soooo much fun. I honestly felt so liberated to just listen to the way these poets played with their worlds, it was magical. i swear. I dont want to sound cheesy but that's honestly how i felt. The entire vibe was amazing. AND we managed to find parking right across the street, lol.

But the NuyoRican cafe is a small and chill ass place. The entire place is so sexy, i couldn't even handle it. Of course my homegirl (lol) Mahogony Browne was the MC for that night's poetry slam and shorty is funny and witty and clever (Oh my! lol) and she was definitely holdin' it down that night. Not to mention we started the night off by dancing to "Poison" which loosened everybody up.

Can we discuss the poets/poems tho? My friend and I were diggin' this one poet a lot so we went halves on his book and now we have dude's stuff. He's a highschool teacher up in Brooklyn which i thought was very dope and he was the one who started it off for the night and I was definitely feelin' him.

The poets were all unique in their own ways. Some had very strong and powerful deliveries while others just let their words start their own movement. Either way respect was given because they definitely held it down. The only girl of the Slam "Lauryn Hill lookalike" was HOLDIN' IT DOWN! ..and i mean HOLDING.IT.DOWN. Her first poem had people fidgeting out of their seats, she was soo intense! (and cute, according to my friend lol). The winner of the slam was dope too..his messages were real and i know everyone could connect at some point or another.

Overall, it was a really amazing experience that i enjoyed on so many levels. Plus, I had the company of some really amazing people which made it THAT much better =]


#shout to the Poet who left everyone with their jaws on the ground with the ending of his poem.

#shout to the newly engaged couple too. Too cute <3

October

i LOVE it <3 .
Happy October to my loved ones.

Second Guessing

Never get the urge to do a garbage can search. That's just OD, lol. But ladies do tend to get crazy and its not really a good look but it occurs.


"I have a habit of putting my all into every situation, and although I already know it to be fact- I could never fully get with loving somebody whole heartedly and not getting that shit back"


So now I'm three cars back trailing you on the freeway .. ;] LMAO

Skirts vs. Tshirts

If you could see that I'm the one who
understands you.. been here ALL along
so why cant you see. you belong w/ me

What you've been looking for has
been here the W H O L E time.


--c'mon. a 17 yr old girl wrote that shit and as simple as the lyrics are you KNOWWWW every woman out there can identify at one point or another in their lives. and the video's really cute too. The whole "Iloveyou" and "Iloveyou" note carrds at the end. c'monnnnnnn. broke my heart, lol. There's no way anyone can NOT like this song. it's too incredible to pass up. Maybe im overreacting but i love it. just loveeeeee it =]

Midnight

I've been feeling a lot of positive energy lately and I just want to share it and blog as much as i can about it so i can look back at these hours and remind myself of better times.

Its kind of dark in my living room and i'm watching Frasier, sitting on my "hott ass leather couch" and i must admit im sticking to it but that's cool. I've had worse. Lol

Today in the quad some people came up to Martin and I asking if we were interested in working for Ambercrombie and Fitch at Garden State Plaza. And I hate retail with a fricken passion, and as much as I hate my current job, its IMPOSSIBLE for me to go back to minimum wage. Thats just crazy. Plus A&F smells like straight cologne in there and i would die of respiratory problems.

But it gave me an insentive to get off my ass and find something better. And now's better than never so starting next week my job search begins.

and i'm Excited !!! =]

Okay, dudes ..enough midnight blogging for tonight. This laptop on my lap plus this couch is really making me sweat. And not the good kind ;] Goodnight!

Exactlyyyy

It's as if she's typing up my heart's emotions and my minds thoughts.
It's insane, bananas and i dont even know how to react. This is -verbatum- what I was thinking about, oh sayy..3 weeks ago. Craziness, lol.

it is my testimony to give. Not someone elses to divulge, and their doing so disturbs me. I just feel like the longer I live, the more I am learning to not trust people. And maybe I'm naive, but I don't want to have to think this way. I want people to say something and mean it. Do something and stand by it. Prove themselves consistent. Faithful. Loyal.

That may be a stretch, because I feel like my loyalty only lies within few (who have proven themselves worthy), but I like to believe that I am a woman of my word and I don't lead people to believe things about me or the relationships I am involved in that is otherwise. So, I don't understand why other people find the need to, unless their ulterior motive lies in getting close to people just so they can know their personal business for their benefit.

And if that's the case-when it comes to me, all you have to do is ask. I'm living life and making mistakes the same as everyone else. It's all good. You don't have to put on a facade. If you're that interested in my doings as they relate to you (if they even relate to you), just say so. I'd actually find your bluntness commendable. Closed mouths don't get fed, and we all got to eat. I understand.

I’ve stopped allowing my Ex to pretend that we are friends, as it served no purpose but to allow him to feel better about the situation . When I need him, he is never around. When I want him, he is never around. I got high friend standards and he ain’t meetin em. So why call it friendship when he only serves as a second tier acquaintance. I honestly don’t think he knows how to truly be someone’s friend.

I gotta stop trickin off wit these young and nubile hoe ass dudes. They fun and shit but you can’t keep em. Plus, I think I wanna have some babies one day and these non-committal, “It’s all about me” kinda guys aren’t gonna cut it.

and look at how pretty this poem is:

“For all we know,
We may never meet again.
Before you go, make this moment sweet again.
We won’t say goodnight until the last minute.
I’ll hold out my hand and my heart will be in it.

For all we know this may only be a dream.
We come and we go like the ripples of a stream.
So love me, love me tonight. Tomorrow was made for some.
Tomorrow may never come,
For all we know.”

Rebecca McFadden, Poet

I meeeeeeeeeeeeeean, ...SMH

The Truth

Hahahahahaha. I like this one =] It's clever.



i'm.JUST.sayin

Impressed

I love when i come across new and interesting things. Especially when those things are new ideas that help me mentally and intellectually and so with that said, i came across this new blog, pretty much by mistake but this is pretty much everything i've ever wanted to say to ANYONE, ever. How appropriate after a hectic trip like Miami to just come and bring myself back to reality with some real, deep talk.

Here's the link: http://turningwordsintoverbs.blogspot.com

Please, check it out.
I think i've read all of her entries this and last year so far. Yeah, its that dope. Soo many things I can relate to. Just seems so fitting and appropriate right now.

Enjoy =]

Miami Evaluation

Loved it =]

Some of the memorable times were definitely the laugh attacks and jokes:
LMFAO

"yeah, you like that shit?" -Martin
"Yeah, he was a puerto rican. -A what? A puerto rican. They don't exist anymore"-Martin
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" --the julio scream by Joaquin
"an Ikea Lamp" -Martin

those are the few I remember now but i know there were def more in just those 3short days.



But, you don't understand how much it pained me to see my boy get hurt like that. If i knew anything like that was gunna go down i would've rather everyone just stay home. that really fucked up my mind. i wouldnt wanna see ANY of my friends like that =[

FuckingSTUPID

I'M JUST GONNA GO RIGHT AHEAD AND PULL A KANYE 'MOTHERFUCKIN' WEST IN THIS BITCH AND JUST WRITE IN ALL CAPS. BECAUSE THATS EXACTLY HOW IM FEELING RIGHT NOW! ERKED, ANNOYED, DISAPPOINTED [WHICH IS WORSE THAN ANGER, I BELIEVE], HEATED, FUMING, FURIOUS, DISPLEASED, ENRAGED, INFURIATED, OFFENDED, VEXED, IRATE, OUTRAGED, TIMULTUOUS, ILL-TEMPERED, CROSS. AND I CAN HONESTLY GO ON FOREVER BECAUSE I AM MY OWN THESAURUS AND I GOT WORDS FOR DAYS.

IT ALSO DOESNT HELP THAT I FEEL SO ENTRAPPED THAT I CAN'T SAY WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY. AND IT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE THAT I DONT KNOW WHY IM UNABLE TO SAY IT !!!! THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT, AND IF ANYONE THINKS IM JUST GUNNA VOICE IT ON THIS BLOG, YOU ARE MISTAKEN BCUZ NGGA;S ARE NOSEY AND IM DEF NOT WITH THAT.

SO BACK TO MY VENTING. AND PEOPLE MAY FIND HUMOR IN THIS, WHICH IS COOL, BUT I AM IN NO WAYS JOKING. SOMETIMES I JUST WALK INTO CERTAIN AREAS AND I JUST SEE PEOPLE'S STUPID ASS FACES AND IN ALL HONESTLY I JUST WANNA SLAP THE STUPID RIGHT OFF OF THEM. AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THERE ARE PLENTY OF THESE FUCKIN IDIOTS ROAMING AROUND THE STREETS. STUPIDITY ERKS THE SHIT OUTTA ME AND I DONT TOLERATE STUPID. NO ONE GIVES A FLYING SPIDER MONKEY ABOUT WHAT YOUR STUPID ASS HAS TO SAY.

ANOTHER THING THAT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL. AND I LITERALLY MEAN BOIL BECAUSE I FEEL MY TEMPERATURE RISING-IS INCONSIDERATE ASS PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHER HUMAN BEINGS FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH BENEFIT. LIKE, DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR TIME!!! DONT JUST SIT THERE BEING A BLABBERING IDIOT AND TELLING PEOPLE WHAT YOU THINK THEY WANT TO HEAR. BECAUSE THATS EXACTLY HOW YOU GET YOURSELF INVOLVED IN A MESS THAT YOU KNOW YOU DONT WANNA BE IN. AND THEN I GOTTA HEAR YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN MOUTH ABOUT HOW YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO STUPID PEOPLE! WHO ASK FOR ADVICE, YOU GIVE THEM GENUINE ADVICE, THEY SAY "YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT" THEN KEEP DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK STUPIDITY THEY ASKED YOU TO HELP THEM GET OUT OF. LIKE....ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!

AND THIS GENUINELY OFFENDS ME BECAUSE IM WAISTING MY BREATH ON YOUR DUMBASS.
WHICH I WILL NO LONGER DO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE ME JUST AS STUPID AS YOU.

GOOD DAY.

*sigh*
People look at me and think that i have a great life just because i like to have fun all the time, but no one knows how i really feel because the real emotions come out long after the parties are over.

Just because i always look happy doesnt mean that my heart is

Slightly Overwhelmed

Usually I'm a pretty balanced person but, i feel like i've had so much on my plate lately that i don't even know where to begin. Normally my semesters begin smoothly and my professors always ease into things slowly but, this semester already seems different. Most of my professors already jumping into heavy course material and although i can handle it, i really really don't want to. And its not even like its Major material, no it's simple Gen-Eds that have me fed up because I dont even need any of it. But i guess I have to suck it up.

Another thing is: financially, i'm shot. I'm seriously living as tight as i've ever had to be and its kicking my ass. I got a boost this month but I can't keep relying on boosts to help me stay afloat. And especially with this shitty ass job that isn't providing me with the necessary income I need. The days I work are all essential but its mostly not even worth it. and I don't have the luxury of working everyday like I could've in the summer so my time has to be very carefully distributed between work and school and social life. It also doesn't help that I'm booked for Miami in two weeks and i have to save to take down there with me. Miami wasn't a smart move but I just neeeeed to get away [again].

Miami: I feel like this trip is going to be sooo bittersweet and we're only going for weekend. (12 people, 3 rooms, 1 weekend =[ ] I'm gonna get it in and have fun regardlesssss but still, I know how I am and i get easily ticked off and erked at the smallest things sometimes and i hate it and i know people around me hate it but i honestly just can't help it. and its something i'm really trying to change about myself cuz its not cute.

And to top all of this off, I am sooo emotionally drained. And even though i can honestly say this time is a little different --not as intense as usual-- dude is STILL there, trying to get my attention and i give him the attention every once in a while because i'm still very comfortable with him, his family, everything. Shit is tough. I try to distract myself and keep myself occupied with friends and other acquaintances but i sometimes fuck up. I need more substance and i KNOW there's better out there for me.

I need to move..far
I want to move..far
I just want to take like 3 people with me =]

Venue Change

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been brought to my attention that i am in dire need of a different job. And im not just saying this because its Endless Shrimp at the plantation but, because im wayyyy to smart to be stuck serving idiots who think they're superior to me. Nope. Fuck that

It also doesn't help that my bestfriend isn't there anymore =/ womp,womp.

Genuine Impact

Some quotes just put me at ease. When im pissed and annoyed at the aquaintances in my life and after i realize that the small people never really mattered, i read up on random quotes and some remind me of certain people who have made a genuine impact in my life and --all becomes well again. & for that i am thankful. These are some:


"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
~ Richard Bach

Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours."
~ Ludwig van Beethoven

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for
that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.
Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun.
~ Charles R. Swindoll

It's the ones you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that really matter.
~ Marlene Dietrich

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
~ John Lennon

-------------------------------------

the only way to have a friend is to be one *

=]

Who Shot Ya

Sept 11, 09 the Blueprint 3 dropssss. can't wait to jamm to it as i drive to school like i do all my albums ! =]

Powerful Focus

This poem really does speak volumes. I've always loved this dudes poems, his delivery is crazy powerful, i always end up really feeling his passion. More from this dude later on..

A New Discovery

YO!

but, what is this dique "Russell Simmons Presents Brave New Voices" ?! I'm mad no one put me on this before, tho! It took one of my coworkers to post a link on facebook for me to find thiss...how long have i been missing out?

And this poem is directly on point bcuz i put up the ill front like im OK with being "that girl" or "that sidepiece" or that chick who doesnt mind being second best. but let me just tell you that it's not even like that

I just dont understand why its not OK for you to love me. & she says that frequently in her poem.

I've had enuff and this shorty is reading directly from the script inside my heart. because you know what they say? The sequel is NEVER better than the original. and i, my friends, am the original.

get used to it,
;]

Miami

I can't waitttttt ! I'm honestly gonna wild out that weekend just because i fricken deserve to. and even though it's a relatively large group of people --including some of whom i'm not too fond of -- i'm still gona have a buggout with those who i AM fond of. I might even throw any caution right out the window and do the whole skinny-dipping thing with some of the friends. Why not, right? You only live once. & it's my homegirl's birthday so we're def gunna be popping bottles. I'm excitedddddd . Just gotta buy my plane ticket as soon as possible so i can get a good rate. Soon enough i'm gonna write a To-Do list of what (or who,lol) i want to do while im down there. Plus, the house has a pool and a hot tub so you already knowwwww it's goin down ;] .

P.S. That "To-Do" list will be posted shortly =]

Two Weeks

This wednesday it's gunna be exactly 2 weeks before school starts =[ and i couldnt possibly be dreading it moreeee . Not to mention all the bullshit i have to deal with because of financial aid and my mom being ridiculously irresponsible! UGH. But, whatever ..i'm looking forward to Miami in september and Halloween!!!! I fricken love this holiday, im so excited ! But im so pissed that school starts in 2weeks, like..WHY!? This summer was WAYY too short and it rained for the good first half of it so it technically doesn't even count. Why doesn't Susan Cole [MSU's President] understand this?

Gosh, she's so selfish ..

Verbally Toss & Turn

I love this.
I want to experience this "foolishness"
Plus, i love to argue and im SO good at it & i'm usually always right so it seems perfect for MEEEEE ( ;] )

=]

Making This Easy

This is EXACTLY how America works, too man. The minute our laziness kicks in there's always some government official to make decisions for you and sign you up for bullshit you don't even need. And the minute you try to get away from it all you come back and all your shit is backed up and fucked up .. and the stress of getting it all together again is overwhelming.

This country is some bullshit, but the fact that i can complain and mock it is what makes it what it is.

No, You're Not Feelin' Me

I can watch/listen/memorize Def Poetry for days. I think it's this man's delivery that makes this poem what it is. And its true, it seems like dude's think they know what women are really looking for ..but in my case anyway, women are just looking to be genuinely appreciated. And men are afraid to love--the majority atleast. Like he says, "You have to truly love "love" before you can truly love ME" It's all a work in progress.

=]

Sucker-Free

I have a habit of maintaining certain patterns with friends. For example, i'll hang out with the sameeeee people day in and day out for months, maybe even years until those friendships either fade out -- or people just go separate ways and come together every so often. My pattern tends to be more of the latter and since the 2nd grade i've been doing that. I'll have a good two solid people that i enjoy spending shit loads of time with and then everyone else is just interchangeable. But every once in while those solid people get on my LAST nerve and i'd give the parental rights to my first born child to hang out with anyone other than them, lol. And here is where it brings me to my point. How important it is, in relationships or friendships, to give eachother enough space to miss one another.

The majority of relationships end because of a few things: trust, miscommunication, or smothering. I've always been a firm believer in the idea that you should be confident enough with yourself and happy enough by yourself before you can ever fathom on making someone else happy. I can't emphasize enough how much it pains me to see girls/women with no backbones whose every life decision depends on the thoughts, feelings, opinions of their significant others. Of course, i also think it's okay to want to compromise and do things that both of you like --but please, please be your own person before trying to dominate someone elses.

I'm pretty positive that i've never been that kind of woman. Never to depend solely on a man to complete me or make decisions for me. I've never had to swallow someone else's bullshit just because i wanted to maintain THEIR happiness, while they gave two shits about MINE. That isn't "love". That's what i call being a sucker. And i promised myself i'd live my life VERY sucker-free.

The Same Mistake

Ok, so I definitely brought this one upon myself. I initiated conversation early in the day, made plans to hang out, knew there was a possibility of some bad behavior to go down but i still wanted to chill. And of course, boys will be boys and if the female is down then you know all systems are go on their end. It's a huge party foul on my end ..even though i was doing SO well with my *self control* for a good 8 or so months .. and dude has fucked up on so many levels, i honestly don't know why i keep digging myself in this deep ass hole. It's not even about feelings anymore or wanting to be with dude because, in essence, it was never really like that. It seems to be more about just filling a void, considering I've been dealing with the same bullshit for yrs. Of course i only have myself to blame for the length of time i've put up with it..but this time was different. Atleast it seemed different. I think i left any feelings/emotions elsewhere because i knew it wouldnt be safe to put my feelings into something that i knew had no substance. Or into someone who just insists on taking me for granted. I might be overanalyzing these things but its what i do -- it helps me make sense of things when it comes to dude. I can't even guarantee i won't make this mistake again. But i don't have any other explanation and sometimes i feel like i don't really need one. =/

Make Me Wanna Scream

My two loves: Michael & Janet Jackson. I swear these two people's dancing capabilities are so alike. Plus, my homegirl Janet looks so fly in this video, as always, we all know she continues to hold it down. And on top of that, i always love a brother/sister duo-too cute. Ironically enough, this video resembles EXACTLY in im feeling right now. Just sooo tired of all the attention and hoopla that surrounds a small part of my life but still, it just makes me wanna SCREAM!

And i hate when i let shit get to me bcuz then it feels as if i've lost. and i hateee to lose at anything.

Also, the mid section where Janet's whispering always makes me feel so at ease. =]

Warning

YO! At first i thought this Eminem vs Mariah/Nick Cannon beef was kind of wack but of course we already know who the winner of that feud was. Em is fuckin sickk and he can definitely put any beat to sleep with his flows. Plus, i've never been much of a Mariah fan post-"Honey" ..she tried to get all pop/freestyle-y and it wasn't really cuttin it for me. I respected her much more during her "My All" days. But anyway..Em went hard with his "The Warning" track and he makes what seem to be pretty clear threats at both Mr. & Mrs. Cannon. Especially when Eminem says about Nick, "You think you ruined by career, you better get one!". Dope! Peep the Mariah adlibs throughout the track, dique her voice. lol pretty clever but, did you expect anything less from the genius? Check it out and follow the [somewhat] lyrics below as you go along: =]




The Warning
by Eminem

Only reason I dissed you in the first place is because you denied seeing me
Now I'm pissed off
Sit back and relax homey, kick back and relax, grab a six pack while I kick s
Yeah Dre's sick track, perfect way to get back
Wanna hear something wick wack?
I got the exact same tattoo that's on Nick's back
I'm obsessed now
Oh gee, is that supposed to be me in the video with the goatee
Wow Mariah, I didn't expect her to go balls out
Bitch, shut the fu*ck up before I put all them phone calls out you
made to my house when you was wild n out before Nick
When you was on my di*ck and give you somethin to smile about
How many times you fly to my house? Still trying to count
Better shut your lying mouth if you don't want Nick finding out
You probably think since it's been so long if i had something on you I
woulda did it by now
On the contrary, Mary Poppins, I'm mixing our studio session down and
sending it to mastering to make it loud
Enough dirt on you to murder you
This is what the fu*ck I do
Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?
However you prefer to do and goes for you too, Nick, you got
You think I'm scared of you?
You gonna ruin my career you better get one
Like I'ma sit and fight with you over some slut bitch cu*nt who made
me put up with her psycho ******* over 6 months and only spread her
legs to let me hit once
Yeah, what you gonna say? I'm lucky? Tell the public that I was so
ugly that you had to be drunk to me?
Second base? What the fu*ck you tell Nick, punk?
In the second week we was dry humping. It's gotta count for something.
Listen, girly. Surely you don't want me to talk about how I nutted
early cos ejaculated early and bus all over your belly, and you almost
started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel you're stomachs
curling. Or maybe you do.
But if I'm embarrassing me, I'm embarrassing you and don't you dare
say it isn't true.
As long as the song's getting airplay I'm dissing you.
I'm a hair away from getting carried away and getting sued.
I was gonna stop at 16. This is 32. This is 34 bars. We ain't even a
third of the way through.
*******, Slim. Mariah played you. Mariah who?
Oh did I say ”whore”, Nick? I meant a liar too.
Like I've been goin off on you all this time for no reason.
Girl you out ya alcholic mind. Check ya wine cellar. Look at all the
amounts of wine.
Like I sit around and think about you all the time.
I just think this is funny when I pounce you on a rhyme.
But it now i'm about to draw the line.
And for you to cross it that's a mountain that I doubt you wanna climb.

I can describe areas of your house that you wouldn't find on an episode of Cribs
A blubba load ribs (?) so don't go opening your jibs cos every time
you do it's just another load of fibs
I ain't saying this shi*t again, ho. You know what it is.
It's a warning shot for before I blow up ya whole spot
Call my bluff and I'll release every fuck*ing thing I got
Including the voicemails right before you flipped your top
When me and Luis were tryin' to stick two CD's in the same spot
(Slim Shady ?????? I love you)
I love you too
Let me whisper sweet nothings into your ear, boo. Now what you say?
(It's nothing)
Guess what I'll do?
I'll refresh your memory when you said ”I want you”
Now should I keep going or should we call truce?
(You think you're cute, right? Hahaha)
You bet your sweet ******* I do
(I'm Mary Poppins, b)
And I'm Superman, mmm
(Mary P. Slim Shady)
Comin' at you
So if you'll still be my (babygirl)
Then I'll still be your (Superhero, Wilma M.)
Yeah, I'm right here
(You like this)
Nope. Not anymore, Dear.
It cuts like a (knife) when I tell ya get a (life)
But I'm movin on with mine
Nick, is that your (wife)
Well tell her to shut her mouth then I'll leave her alone
If she don't (sing this script?) then I'ma just keep goin
(I see Mary Ann. Mary Ann's saying ”cut the tape, cut the tape”. Knife!)

;]

The Intern

I used to read this blog on the daily and the way i found out about it was thru the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. And on that show there was a segment where an Intern would roam the city streets and ask questions to random strangers. That person was Ross "The Intern" Matthews and this guy is hilarioussss. He's super-super flamboyant and amazing and he's a sweetheart and so fricken funny. I came across his blog and would literally read it everyday until the blogging just stopped and i began to forget about the Tonight Show.

And so todayyyyy, I saw him on the Chelsea Lately show on E! and he's still the same old funny guy that i loveeeee and he's on the Insider now with his own segment and he's here on blogspot, too. =]

http://helloross.blogspot.com/

that's the link to his blog and if that's not your kind of thing then check him out on youtube because all his segments are perfectionnnnnn. The best one, to me, was one where he went on a news team and did the weather. If i find the link i'll post it here cuz that shit was amazing, i still can't get over it. & So here's a glimpse of Ross: <3



=]

IDK, Maybe

I like this woman's flow; it brings back a very nostalgic feeling about childhood and how shit was SO easy back then and we didn't have a care in the world.

Ah, to be young again =]

Espress Yo' Self

Philly was fun ! Minus the waking up early after a rough previous night, listening to Mateo & Martin pretend to make youtube videos (this was actually really funny tho), getting lost for an hour and change, the day was a surprising success!

So many things i loved about philly. The fricken chinese food from a cart, similar to a hotdog cart in the city. That shit was fuckin banana's !!! The lady was maddd quick and the food was good and cheap. The weather definitely cooperated with us and the 4hrs we had to wait didnt even feel that long ..we went to the park, were gunna watch a movie but Martin is such a party pooper! lol just kidding, he was actually a good source of entertainment with his jokes yesterday, i must say. "blue kids playing blue games" lmao priceless, yo.

Then we found a bar and sat outside on idk what street and no one got ID'd [woohoo!] and we definitely got tipsy. Rosa and I probably ordered about half the drink menu but we got tipsy and it made the day that much better + the cheesesteak was bangin, even tho i hardly ate it all cuz i was mad full.

Then we saw Julia !!! and her pops definitely hooked it up with stuff from his bodega..plus i plain and simply missed julia! lol And of course my life sucks so i had to drive back because im an incredibly amazing friend and didn't mind =] lol nah, but i had my ipod and good conversation so all in all it was a fun day and im definitely happy i went and enjoyed myself.

When's the next roadtrip ?! =]

Troublesome

Its incredible how my loyalty to people is so precise and important to me ..that sometimes i let it take over my own happiness and my own well-being. It doesnt seem fair that i always consider other people's feelings, thoughts, emotions before my own. And 9 out of 10 times i end up being penalized for it. I end up being screwed over and hurt. . I put my all into the majority of the relationships i establish: both personal and friendship and my loyalty is always comprimised. It makes me question my habits and makes me doubt my methods. And for that i apologize because if anyone deserves gold--its ME. If anyone deserves to have someone cater to them--its ME. If anyone deserves to be happy --its ME . So im gunna write a quick letter to myself, to apologize for how inconsiderate i was..and how i made the effort to make everyone happy except myself.

Disappointed

I'm disappointed in the ENTIRE male population.

except that papi I met today while waiting at a red light. Mhm ;] but besides him, down with all of them ! lol

@johncmayer

*all my twitterheads will understand the title, lol .

This was my favorite performance of the Memorial Tribute for the King. John Mayer's touching performance ..his guitar genius..the NOT opening of his eyes ..ah, man. This is where the waterworks began for me when i was watching it. AND "Human Nature" is probably one of my top 3 favorite Michael Jackson songs. Overall amazing performance.

I kind of would like to see Prince play this song but maybe in his right mind he believes he too much of an icon himself to play an MJ song. Whatever, lol.

RIP