End of An Era

I got this off of a fellow blogger's blog who got it off of a facebook survey/note thing-or-another. This is pretty much 10 things i'd want to say to 10 people --WITHOUT mentioning their names, and in all honesty I wanted to use the majority of hers 'cause homegirl's were ON point and i could def see myself saying this to these people, but anyway. I said i wasn't going to blog anymore for this year, but i have to leave with a BANG (since i wont be getting any other BANGS, -_-) Here goes (In No Particular Order):

1. I will never do what you did. I'm a leader in my own right but none of that has anything to do with you. Whatever path I've seen you take, I've chosen to go completely the opposite for fear of becoming anything even remotely close to what you are. And regardless what you go through, I shouldn't be made to feel equally as miserable as you. That's not how these things work. I'll never allow that to happen when my time comes.

2.You messed up our plan. This was in NO way how things were supposed to turn out. We planned sooo far into the future and you had to bring in some new bumps in the road. & Now you're tryna make plans and you get mad when I tell you, you shouldnt be doing this now since you have bigger and better responsibilities. We always said it was gonna be another replica of what we were shown .. and then you dropped the bomb and things went array. I guess it's true, "the best laid plans of Mice and Men oft' go astray".

3.I'm sure I've forgiven you. And though I'm sure I could never give you another chance, I'm not sure if I ever fell out of love... just knew that I grew into a different person. It's trippy. I've been praying that you get to a place where me saying things like this doesn't make you think you have leadway to "try me".


4. Someone besides me needs to tell you how fricken AWESOME you are. Because you AREEEE, but unfortunately you dont even believe ME when i tell you this. but, i promise i wont stop saying it until i firmly believe that you believe it. and even then i'll still randomly remind you.

5."It disturbs me how comfortable you are playing the role of victim. I acknowledge that you really can't catch a break. Something is always being thrown at you, but I'm waiting for you to just handle it... to rise above it all.. to become bigger than your situation.. to start telling your problems about your God instead of things happening the other way around. I'm rambling, but really-I'm prematurely proud of you. For now, it's just because you're still here despite it all, but I'm anxious for the day I can say I'm proud because you came to bat swingin.

6.I genuinely enjoy your company. & I've had to catch my attitude at times because I probably came across as stepping outside my boundaries but its because i'm extremely emotionally possessive of the people I enjoy spending my time with. I value ALL of my time and so if i want to share this precious time w/ certain people and it gets taken away or infringed upon-then i get upset. Blatently upset, and i'm not ashamed to say that this is the case. But sometimes I'm under the impression that YOU'RE under the impression that i like you on some other level. And I say this because of either 1) the things you say when im merely tryna chill as homies or 2) iforgotwhatiwasgonnasay. but, either way I like spending time with you, i could shoot the shit with you for the rest of my life. But not on some lovey-dovey stuff, merely on some "just stop what you're doing and enjoy me and your surroundings" type of stuff.

7.I wonder if you were always this nosey. If maybe you have no situations or predicaments of your own so you feel the need to pry on the lives' of others. Whatever the case may be, it's getting real old. and you're never gonna get the answer you're looking for so you may as well stop playing Sherlock Holmes now while you're ahead. Unless you do this for pure sport and genuinely enjoy the nothingness that is you're life. Ya'know, whatever.


*To Be Continued* - I'm tired.
8.

Peppa

At this time last year, an acquaintance of mine asked me to hook her up with a co-worker. And i happily obliged..i mean, i love playing matchmaker..and on this occasion it was too easy. They were two cooperative parties and i hardly did any work but exchange their phone numbers. And even tho that kinship hardly too flight, i got something AMAZING out of it.

A best friend.

And as this year comes to a close, i have to show my love for my homie Peppa.'Cause when i look back at this year and all the fun times and parties and inside jokes i've had ..a good 90% percent of them have been with you, Pep. And not to inflate your already big head, but you're the shit. And this post isnt gonna be one of those poetic and profound pieces. It's the real deal.i'm greatful for you trying to piece me together when i'm clearly a hott mess and just all over the place.

And hopefully if/when you read this..you'll know that ur one of my favorite people ever.

Yeah, Ever.
And there are only like 4, maybe 5 fav ppl of mine. And most of them are famous so that should indicate where you stand.Lol

And when i'm mean to you, or give you short answers and act like a straight up "B-word", even tho i know you might just wanna back-hand me...(Lol) ..that's when i need ya the most. And you must already know that bcuz when im annoyed you never leave me the hell alone, lol

But, that's just how i like it. :)

ily
Your homie,
Salt.

Better Than This

A random girl that i used to party with in my later highschool years just initiated a facebook chat with me and she's a sweetheart of a girl, but i found this all too random. I saw her at one of my bestfriend's birthday events at club Climax a couple weeks ago and apparently that night she saw someone that caught her eye. She was just wondering what this person's "situation" was and whether or not I knew them.

Turns out I have absolutely NO idea who this person is. Haha, but that's not even my main focus. My main focus is that she came at me in a calm and cool way (as she should have :] ) and before she asked anything--she stated she doesn't know of who i chill with nor anyone's dating situation and she doesn't want to step on anyone's toes because if she is/was she would immediately step back and keep it movin'.

I found this so admirable.

And relevant.

How so, you ask? Well, seriously, for those few that have actually taken the time to get to know me and my personal life from years back all the way up to modern day, you would see that i've always been in the predicament in which either my toes were being stepped on or--more likely--i would step on other's toes. And it's not something i'm proud of by ANY means.. this was just the situation that would surround me on more than one occasion. This meaning I'd carry around the mentality of "I don't give a fuck, if things happen with (*insert dude's name here*) then so be it. His situation is none of my concern, if he's down then so am i" type of stilo. And i promise, it really doesn't come across as disrespectful and whore-ish as i just made it seem, but that's the jist of it. And it's not a good look..

I'm done doing that.
Done with overstepping my boundaries and expecting more than whats given to me. I can't do that stuff anymore and I may feel some type of way about it at first but, i honestly don't want to step on anyone's toes anymore. I don't want to have to live MY life in shadows anymore.

I want to do me OUTLOUD. and without giving a fuck about what anyone's going to say because it's not a fucking secret. I'm tiredddddd of secrets. About 85% of my life has been in secrecy. I'm not the fricken Taliban, i shouldn't have to live this way. It's unfair to me.

Mind you, I'm not saying this is entirely to blame on others. NO. this is mostly my fault for taking part in secret situations. For obliging to these circumstances where I get assed out in the end. And as appropriate as it may seem, this New Years Resolution is going to be about change (Arent't they all, you say?) but about me looking for things that are going to benefit me. And with that said, i'm through stepping on people's toes. It's unfair, it's cruel, and it's something i don't want done to me. Because it's time I'm happy with everything in my life and not just what goes on behind closed doors.

I deserve at least that.

Fierce

i wiiiiiiiiiiish I was bold enough to get sleeve tattoos and stomach tatts and fingures and other appendages, but that's not gonna happen. Considering I want to go to law school and study corporate law and that fact that i hardly like wearing clothes now as it is, me covering them up later is gonna be a real bitch.

Sort of like that Secret Lives of Women show on *insert women's network channel name here*.

I love how this looks >:[

E & J

Lol, I made myelf laugh with the title of this post. I'm so clever [NOT], but its okay to dream haha. Soooooo I had heard about these BET Cyphers on twitter via @mousebudden which is Joe Budden's twitter account & people kept mentioning how his was one of the best freestyles, but I had yet to know wtf these people were referring to. And I saw the BET Awards but didn't peep these Cyphers. Maybe because Nicki Minaj was first & I havent even begun to discuss my lack on interest in this girl. Oh, my mistake -- this "Barbie" . Girl, please. Bye!

So here is Eminem & Joe Budden [a'la "E&J"] and these verses have the be the besttt ones from that night, but if there was a clip of Mos Def, Joey, and Em I'd put that one up instead because I was definitely feelin' his flow too.

ENJOY it because it's hella dope -- yeah, I said "hella" SO WHAT?

Devil Say Mama

Stank breath is a crime, y'all and it's one of my biggest fears which is why I always carry a travel-size toothbrush because it's nottt cute. Having stank-ass breath is NOT cute. &LMAO at dude asking all questions that started with the letter "H". Seems like those are the only words people wanna use when they're all up in your face.

I love me some creativity and this here, be that.

No One Look

Too Often

I've gotten the same overall message these past few days and i understand it, but to hear it from people who don't even know me - is crazy.

First, I get told, over dinner yesterday, that I'm difficult. Period. Just plain ol' difficult and I honestly don't even know how else to handle when i'm told these things. What am i supposed to say that I havent already said? And then today..

Today was .. interesting to say the least. My horoscope, tarot cards, and a random dude i just met who said he could use my date of birth and zodiac sign to guess my personality - were ALL dead on. And not in a good way.

So this is what i've gotten, that i'm the type of person who:

1. It's either my way or the highway. Literally, dude said this to me. That I like to do things my own way and have a hard time compromising. =[

2. While other people consider their words carefully, I - on the other hand - blurt things out as soon as I think them and don't care about how these words will affect other people =[

3. I have a hot temper and even tho I don't wear all my emotions on my sleeve, its obvious when something is irritating me and my "ego" won't let me say what it is. =[


This is just the jist of what I was getting and like, whatthefuckkkk? Hearing this sucks on so many levels even tho I know, I know, I know, I KNOW i'm a difficult person to get to know and to get comfortable around, and all that jazz but i tryyyyyyy. Is that not enough? Shit.
How do i get to a point where this ISN'T what people associate when they think of me. Because it sucks and i'm sick of it. and it's sooo far from my actual intentions.

Dude also said I have a good heart but this is just the way things come across.

Man....fuck that!

Held Hostage

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

--Neil Gaiman



'because that's EXACTLY how i feel. blahhhh.

Smitten

http://twentyfourzeroone.blogspot.com/




I like this. I like this a lot, but i'd have to disagree with the "Am I happy?" answer ..
I got this from the above (linked) blog that I recently came across. It's very appropriate. Atleast for today

(Sorry!:] )

Sounds Abt Right

"Somebody that makes you laugh more than they make you cry. And enjoys, revels and participates in the absolute silly that is you."


*sigh*


THIS is what i need/want.

Of Course

It really doesn't even make sense in my head anymore, but I hate that I change my mind on this subject every fricken day. Today i'm erked and annoyed and irritated. I wish i knew why, too.

(But i don't so don't ask me.)

Like, wtf? I've never been so undecided in my life & I'm so tired of it.

But what did I expect? Nothing, actually -- I've learned not to expect anything from anyone. I learned that a longgg time ago, but its still difficult to handle when you're let down by people you trust .. or people who made you believe they could be trusted. . it's all just a very misleading situation. but of course this would happen to me.

Story of my life.

Closer than Family

I dare somebody to fuck with one of these people.
Not that my tiny ass would do much harm or anything, but i'd die trying - word to ya mothaaaa!

You don't understand how happy these four dudes make me & on my birthday --WHATTT??! To have all of 'em there celebrating with me?? *tears*. Pure happiness


*sigh*
i love 'em .

Simplicity

i wish you knew.

So I'll Text You

This is so cute. There's a BraveNewVoices version of this and the audio's a bit better but i couldn't find it on YouTube but i found what i think is the original of Mike Taylor reciting it. It's sweet; i can dig it.

Let You Slide

While reading my last entry and especially the shoutout down below, I came across this poem that I thought would be a great segway because it describes my feelings towards friendship. Hope ya like it.


...Right now he feels like everything is lost
That's why I'm glad he came to me to give me this opportunity to put a few thoughts across
You see, all day and all night we talk
And I tell em
A man is judged by what's in his soul
And what's in his heart
And not just by what's in his pockets
Me and him are friends through thick and thin
And if he's in pain
We need to put our brains, time and money together to stop it
I tell em' the fact that we don't have a lot of money is a problem
But rather than getting fed up
What we need to do is wake up
And like Moses and Jacob
Whenever we get together,
Just find new ways to prophet (profit)
Cause in my eyes our friendship is how we live
And how we die
And don't you ever believe that even for a second
That I would EVER let you slide
For what I'm about to say
I need you to listen with all your pride and sexuality aside
Cause as God as my guide
Like my own self
I love you

"Brotherly Love"
-- Taalam Acey

C. Bradshaw

I've never paid much mind to the whole Sex in the City phenomena, but i just caught two episdoes on tbs (very funny) and what i do like about this show is Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker)'s character in which she narrarates throughout the episode and her little anecdotes are very witty and clever and relavant to a girl's life. She does this by typing in her laptop--presumably her column in some sort of magazine, newspaper, whatever it is--and it reminds me of myself typing away on this here blog day in and day out and this has helped me consider taking my blog in a different direction.

I've noticed I've been blogging moreso about my personal life and my feelings and emotions and blah, blah, BLAH. And i don't think anyone wants to read about that stuff anymore and so i'm trying to steer this blog back in the direction it was in about a year ago. More about random shinanigans, and interesting facts around the world. This might even take a while for me to begin to do because those posts demand research ..and i dont like doing that unless its for school. I also can't make this become some sort of assignment because i genuinely enjoy blogging and i don't want it to become something i hate. it's a hobby and i love it =]

That's all for now.



Shout out to my best of the besties for his USMarshall business :] Congrats! <3
I honestly dont even know what that job entails but it must be something good since he's all excited about it. and like i said, Good things happen to Good people =]

The Audacity

A 35-year-old HIV-positive man in New Zealand injected his blood into his wife while she was sleeping, thereby infecting her with the virus, court documents have revealed.

According to a report in New Zealand's Sunday Star-Times, the man did it so that his wife would start having sex with him again, as she had refused to do so out of fear of contracting the disease. He gave her the virus by pricking her with a sewing needle tainted with his blood.

More details from Sky News:

In the documents, the wife described how, in May, 2008, she found a sting-like mark on her left thigh and two days later awoke to a stinging feeling in her leg.

She said: "I got up... and I flicked the blankets... I looked at (the husband) and he was wide awake."

The wife asked him if he had pricked her and he said, 'No'. But she later found evidence of "blood sprinkles" on their duvet, which she said her husband tried to hide from her.


The husband is currently in prison awaiting sentencing, and faces up to 14 years in jail.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/06/hiv-positive-man-injects_n_381780.html

There are NO words. I would be so pissed the fuck off.

Self Explanatory

Speaks for itself, don't it?

Unfortunate

These kinds of sayings have stirred up trouble among some of my friends (@mightyfranso/@jibarasa) for their own individual reasons, whatever they may be, but i felt like this picture could NOT go unposted. I mean, I can relate. My coworkers can relate. Anyone who works for tips and deals with different personalities and has to swallow a lot of people's attitudes and bullshit for a living can definitely understand.




But can i get an "Amen" though?

Reintroduce Yourself

Happy Birthday, Hov !

Follow Kings Orders

"When I think Cupid's arrow is pointing my way, it hits the person behind me. See, I think Cupid is blind see."


There are moments in this poem where her passion for her man is so obvious, it's sexy. Definitely something I can admire. I love coming across new poetry, even though I think I've heard this one before.

Enjoy :]

Coming to Terms

There's something both satisfying and unsettling when you realize finally that you deserve better than you've been allowing. Satisfying because you feel, "Finally. This is what that feels like." and Unsettling because you think, "How did I let this go on for so long? Why was I so comfortable in this disarray?" To the point where feeling bad was better than feeling nothing.

And that is unacceptable.

It's like getting so used to crumbs that when someone offers you fresh baked loaves of bread, you run away because you think they're too good to be true and I can't stand the idea that I have to actively talk myself out of crumbs but still can't accept the loaves.



I forgot to mention this before, but Happy December.

Learning

I love the idea of "new history" because it perfectly captures the relationship so many of us have with the past. No matter how hard we try to let go of it -- to learn from it and move forward -- all we're really doing is creating new history, trying to learn from past mistakes, but inevitably making new ones that will haunt us in the future. The past, it would seem, is inescapable. Everything we are today is the product of who we were yesterday, last month, last year: the choices we made, the red lights we ran, the things said and maybe shouldn't have, the people we loved, and the people we didn't. So, how to make peace with the past? What can be done about mistakes we made, the lies we told, and the people we hurt to get where we are today?

I wish I knew.