Second Guessing

Never get the urge to do a garbage can search. That's just OD, lol. But ladies do tend to get crazy and its not really a good look but it occurs.


"I have a habit of putting my all into every situation, and although I already know it to be fact- I could never fully get with loving somebody whole heartedly and not getting that shit back"


So now I'm three cars back trailing you on the freeway .. ;] LMAO

Skirts vs. Tshirts

If you could see that I'm the one who
understands you.. been here ALL along
so why cant you see. you belong w/ me

What you've been looking for has
been here the W H O L E time.


--c'mon. a 17 yr old girl wrote that shit and as simple as the lyrics are you KNOWWWW every woman out there can identify at one point or another in their lives. and the video's really cute too. The whole "Iloveyou" and "Iloveyou" note carrds at the end. c'monnnnnnn. broke my heart, lol. There's no way anyone can NOT like this song. it's too incredible to pass up. Maybe im overreacting but i love it. just loveeeeee it =]

Midnight

I've been feeling a lot of positive energy lately and I just want to share it and blog as much as i can about it so i can look back at these hours and remind myself of better times.

Its kind of dark in my living room and i'm watching Frasier, sitting on my "hott ass leather couch" and i must admit im sticking to it but that's cool. I've had worse. Lol

Today in the quad some people came up to Martin and I asking if we were interested in working for Ambercrombie and Fitch at Garden State Plaza. And I hate retail with a fricken passion, and as much as I hate my current job, its IMPOSSIBLE for me to go back to minimum wage. Thats just crazy. Plus A&F smells like straight cologne in there and i would die of respiratory problems.

But it gave me an insentive to get off my ass and find something better. And now's better than never so starting next week my job search begins.

and i'm Excited !!! =]

Okay, dudes ..enough midnight blogging for tonight. This laptop on my lap plus this couch is really making me sweat. And not the good kind ;] Goodnight!

Exactlyyyy

It's as if she's typing up my heart's emotions and my minds thoughts.
It's insane, bananas and i dont even know how to react. This is -verbatum- what I was thinking about, oh sayy..3 weeks ago. Craziness, lol.

it is my testimony to give. Not someone elses to divulge, and their doing so disturbs me. I just feel like the longer I live, the more I am learning to not trust people. And maybe I'm naive, but I don't want to have to think this way. I want people to say something and mean it. Do something and stand by it. Prove themselves consistent. Faithful. Loyal.

That may be a stretch, because I feel like my loyalty only lies within few (who have proven themselves worthy), but I like to believe that I am a woman of my word and I don't lead people to believe things about me or the relationships I am involved in that is otherwise. So, I don't understand why other people find the need to, unless their ulterior motive lies in getting close to people just so they can know their personal business for their benefit.

And if that's the case-when it comes to me, all you have to do is ask. I'm living life and making mistakes the same as everyone else. It's all good. You don't have to put on a facade. If you're that interested in my doings as they relate to you (if they even relate to you), just say so. I'd actually find your bluntness commendable. Closed mouths don't get fed, and we all got to eat. I understand.

I’ve stopped allowing my Ex to pretend that we are friends, as it served no purpose but to allow him to feel better about the situation . When I need him, he is never around. When I want him, he is never around. I got high friend standards and he ain’t meetin em. So why call it friendship when he only serves as a second tier acquaintance. I honestly don’t think he knows how to truly be someone’s friend.

I gotta stop trickin off wit these young and nubile hoe ass dudes. They fun and shit but you can’t keep em. Plus, I think I wanna have some babies one day and these non-committal, “It’s all about me” kinda guys aren’t gonna cut it.

and look at how pretty this poem is:

“For all we know,
We may never meet again.
Before you go, make this moment sweet again.
We won’t say goodnight until the last minute.
I’ll hold out my hand and my heart will be in it.

For all we know this may only be a dream.
We come and we go like the ripples of a stream.
So love me, love me tonight. Tomorrow was made for some.
Tomorrow may never come,
For all we know.”

Rebecca McFadden, Poet

I meeeeeeeeeeeeeean, ...SMH

The Truth

Hahahahahaha. I like this one =] It's clever.



i'm.JUST.sayin

Impressed

I love when i come across new and interesting things. Especially when those things are new ideas that help me mentally and intellectually and so with that said, i came across this new blog, pretty much by mistake but this is pretty much everything i've ever wanted to say to ANYONE, ever. How appropriate after a hectic trip like Miami to just come and bring myself back to reality with some real, deep talk.

Here's the link: http://turningwordsintoverbs.blogspot.com

Please, check it out.
I think i've read all of her entries this and last year so far. Yeah, its that dope. Soo many things I can relate to. Just seems so fitting and appropriate right now.

Enjoy =]

Miami Evaluation

Loved it =]

Some of the memorable times were definitely the laugh attacks and jokes:
LMFAO

"yeah, you like that shit?" -Martin
"Yeah, he was a puerto rican. -A what? A puerto rican. They don't exist anymore"-Martin
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" --the julio scream by Joaquin
"an Ikea Lamp" -Martin

those are the few I remember now but i know there were def more in just those 3short days.



But, you don't understand how much it pained me to see my boy get hurt like that. If i knew anything like that was gunna go down i would've rather everyone just stay home. that really fucked up my mind. i wouldnt wanna see ANY of my friends like that =[

FuckingSTUPID

I'M JUST GONNA GO RIGHT AHEAD AND PULL A KANYE 'MOTHERFUCKIN' WEST IN THIS BITCH AND JUST WRITE IN ALL CAPS. BECAUSE THATS EXACTLY HOW IM FEELING RIGHT NOW! ERKED, ANNOYED, DISAPPOINTED [WHICH IS WORSE THAN ANGER, I BELIEVE], HEATED, FUMING, FURIOUS, DISPLEASED, ENRAGED, INFURIATED, OFFENDED, VEXED, IRATE, OUTRAGED, TIMULTUOUS, ILL-TEMPERED, CROSS. AND I CAN HONESTLY GO ON FOREVER BECAUSE I AM MY OWN THESAURUS AND I GOT WORDS FOR DAYS.

IT ALSO DOESNT HELP THAT I FEEL SO ENTRAPPED THAT I CAN'T SAY WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY. AND IT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE THAT I DONT KNOW WHY IM UNABLE TO SAY IT !!!! THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT, AND IF ANYONE THINKS IM JUST GUNNA VOICE IT ON THIS BLOG, YOU ARE MISTAKEN BCUZ NGGA;S ARE NOSEY AND IM DEF NOT WITH THAT.

SO BACK TO MY VENTING. AND PEOPLE MAY FIND HUMOR IN THIS, WHICH IS COOL, BUT I AM IN NO WAYS JOKING. SOMETIMES I JUST WALK INTO CERTAIN AREAS AND I JUST SEE PEOPLE'S STUPID ASS FACES AND IN ALL HONESTLY I JUST WANNA SLAP THE STUPID RIGHT OFF OF THEM. AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THERE ARE PLENTY OF THESE FUCKIN IDIOTS ROAMING AROUND THE STREETS. STUPIDITY ERKS THE SHIT OUTTA ME AND I DONT TOLERATE STUPID. NO ONE GIVES A FLYING SPIDER MONKEY ABOUT WHAT YOUR STUPID ASS HAS TO SAY.

ANOTHER THING THAT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL. AND I LITERALLY MEAN BOIL BECAUSE I FEEL MY TEMPERATURE RISING-IS INCONSIDERATE ASS PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHER HUMAN BEINGS FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH BENEFIT. LIKE, DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR TIME!!! DONT JUST SIT THERE BEING A BLABBERING IDIOT AND TELLING PEOPLE WHAT YOU THINK THEY WANT TO HEAR. BECAUSE THATS EXACTLY HOW YOU GET YOURSELF INVOLVED IN A MESS THAT YOU KNOW YOU DONT WANNA BE IN. AND THEN I GOTTA HEAR YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN MOUTH ABOUT HOW YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO STUPID PEOPLE! WHO ASK FOR ADVICE, YOU GIVE THEM GENUINE ADVICE, THEY SAY "YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT" THEN KEEP DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK STUPIDITY THEY ASKED YOU TO HELP THEM GET OUT OF. LIKE....ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!

AND THIS GENUINELY OFFENDS ME BECAUSE IM WAISTING MY BREATH ON YOUR DUMBASS.
WHICH I WILL NO LONGER DO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE ME JUST AS STUPID AS YOU.

GOOD DAY.

*sigh*
People look at me and think that i have a great life just because i like to have fun all the time, but no one knows how i really feel because the real emotions come out long after the parties are over.

Just because i always look happy doesnt mean that my heart is

Slightly Overwhelmed

Usually I'm a pretty balanced person but, i feel like i've had so much on my plate lately that i don't even know where to begin. Normally my semesters begin smoothly and my professors always ease into things slowly but, this semester already seems different. Most of my professors already jumping into heavy course material and although i can handle it, i really really don't want to. And its not even like its Major material, no it's simple Gen-Eds that have me fed up because I dont even need any of it. But i guess I have to suck it up.

Another thing is: financially, i'm shot. I'm seriously living as tight as i've ever had to be and its kicking my ass. I got a boost this month but I can't keep relying on boosts to help me stay afloat. And especially with this shitty ass job that isn't providing me with the necessary income I need. The days I work are all essential but its mostly not even worth it. and I don't have the luxury of working everyday like I could've in the summer so my time has to be very carefully distributed between work and school and social life. It also doesn't help that I'm booked for Miami in two weeks and i have to save to take down there with me. Miami wasn't a smart move but I just neeeeed to get away [again].

Miami: I feel like this trip is going to be sooo bittersweet and we're only going for weekend. (12 people, 3 rooms, 1 weekend =[ ] I'm gonna get it in and have fun regardlesssss but still, I know how I am and i get easily ticked off and erked at the smallest things sometimes and i hate it and i know people around me hate it but i honestly just can't help it. and its something i'm really trying to change about myself cuz its not cute.

And to top all of this off, I am sooo emotionally drained. And even though i can honestly say this time is a little different --not as intense as usual-- dude is STILL there, trying to get my attention and i give him the attention every once in a while because i'm still very comfortable with him, his family, everything. Shit is tough. I try to distract myself and keep myself occupied with friends and other acquaintances but i sometimes fuck up. I need more substance and i KNOW there's better out there for me.

I need to move..far
I want to move..far
I just want to take like 3 people with me =]

Venue Change

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been brought to my attention that i am in dire need of a different job. And im not just saying this because its Endless Shrimp at the plantation but, because im wayyyy to smart to be stuck serving idiots who think they're superior to me. Nope. Fuck that

It also doesn't help that my bestfriend isn't there anymore =/ womp,womp.

Genuine Impact

Some quotes just put me at ease. When im pissed and annoyed at the aquaintances in my life and after i realize that the small people never really mattered, i read up on random quotes and some remind me of certain people who have made a genuine impact in my life and --all becomes well again. & for that i am thankful. These are some:


"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
~ Richard Bach

Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours."
~ Ludwig van Beethoven

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for
that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.
Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun.
~ Charles R. Swindoll

It's the ones you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that really matter.
~ Marlene Dietrich

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
~ John Lennon

-------------------------------------

the only way to have a friend is to be one *

=]