The Same Mistake

Ok, so I definitely brought this one upon myself. I initiated conversation early in the day, made plans to hang out, knew there was a possibility of some bad behavior to go down but i still wanted to chill. And of course, boys will be boys and if the female is down then you know all systems are go on their end. It's a huge party foul on my end ..even though i was doing SO well with my *self control* for a good 8 or so months .. and dude has fucked up on so many levels, i honestly don't know why i keep digging myself in this deep ass hole. It's not even about feelings anymore or wanting to be with dude because, in essence, it was never really like that. It seems to be more about just filling a void, considering I've been dealing with the same bullshit for yrs. Of course i only have myself to blame for the length of time i've put up with it..but this time was different. Atleast it seemed different. I think i left any feelings/emotions elsewhere because i knew it wouldnt be safe to put my feelings into something that i knew had no substance. Or into someone who just insists on taking me for granted. I might be overanalyzing these things but its what i do -- it helps me make sense of things when it comes to dude. I can't even guarantee i won't make this mistake again. But i don't have any other explanation and sometimes i feel like i don't really need one. =/