Let's Trade

The best things in life come when you least expect it. You know that you found a special something or someone when just the thought of losing them brings you to tears. All those wars, pain, lies, hate, arguing, frustrations..It made me want to turn away and never look again, but i also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and ..my heart.. it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

That's all.

Sucks

as of late, i've been more down in the dumps than i have been positive or in uplifting spirits.
and what's worse is that i know EXACTLY why i am this way. and i've said it, written it, sang it, hummed it, rain-danced it, irish-jigged it, crypt-walked it, stanky-legged it, and most importantly, said it --yes OUTLOUD-- to the person whom was responsible.

and i keep getting one of these: ---__---

that face is exactly the response im getting. and im more boggled by myself than most people when it comes to the question of, "how do you NOT get it? Helloooo!?"

DUH.

Spring

It's here.
Good weather.

Mother Nature apparently doesn't hate us anymore & is blessing us with delicious weather that makes you want to run around in the nude.

Well, ..makes ME want to run around in the nude.

but, i'm excited! this means the semester is almost over in a week and a month, give or take a few days here and there. & thennnnn..SUMMER.

And folks, you know what that means: my birthday =]
I'm definitely going to plan some type of excursion and getaway. I hope my dearest friends will join me. or at least quit their jobs to spend it with me on my special day(s) --you know who you are ;]

I'm just kidding, im not THAT selfish.

Issues

I know i said i wasn't going to come on here and vent my feelings & yadda, yadda, yadda .. but this for my own eyes. This is more-so for my own well being.

And quite frankly, i dont even know what to write here. or what to say to anyone directly. I am beyond fed up with carelessness. I haven't had a friendship tear me down this much EVER. what makes this one so different? Or this individual so different that i've allowed myself to basically be walked all over. As i was telling a friend, this is NOT who i am. I've never been this person.

I've never had to give so much of myself - and get nothing back.

I dont even know if this makes sense, but .. it does in my head so perhaps im just having issues transferring it to words. Even if i did know how to write it in words clearer people would still not get what im trying to say. so why even bother? I'll just keep quiet and let you figure it out for yourself.

C'mon

I have a feeling i'm going to regret NOT going to this event:

The hottest new poetry/spoken word series in New York City @ the hottest club in downtown Manhattan!

Mike Geffner Presents The Inspired Word
Date: Friday, March 12, 2010
Time: 7-10pm
Location: (Le) Poisson Rouge
http://lepoissonrouge.com/
158 Bleecker Street, New York, NY 10012
Phone: (212) 505-FISH (3474)
Cover Charge: $10
Featuring the extraordinary lineup of Bassey Ikpi, Jive Poetic, Thiahera Nurse, & Thomas Fucaloro.

Please join us for an awesome night of passionate words.

MUST BE 21 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER TO ENTER. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO BRING ID.

http://mikeswritingworkshop.blogspot.com/2010/02/5-time-def-poet-bassey-ikpi-headlines.html


..Someone pleaseeeeee come w/ me =]

Do You?

My playlist deserved a much-needed makeover. I'm not in that sappy-love song kind of mood anymore. I've been listening to a lot of different stuff, mostly radio-music and certain tunes catch my eye here & there. But, anyway .. this post isn't about music.

I was re-reading my posts from last year & stuff and i DO NOT like the writer i've become. Writing was never supposed to be about me. and that's ALL it's been about recently. No one wants to hear/read me babble on about the troubles in my life and the disappointmens i've endured. Especially not when i'm rewriting about my mistakes week in & week out. At this point I can only blame myself. Another thing is .. and i just came to terms with this after finding some old love notes [lol, passed around during highschool] is that .. i don't want to allow anyone the comfort and satisfaction of hurting me.

Let me clarify. I don't like to put myself in a position where someone else's actions can affect my life. Or someone's words. I used to be the type of girl who would let these wrongdoings just roll off of my back and i would keep it moving. But, that is far from the case now. I let things affect me..and i wear those emotions on my sleeve. I'm too much of an emotional person right now that it's interfering with my rational and reasonable judgement.

Prime example: I can be in the jolliest of moods, happy with everything around me ..and something so small, an e-mail, a text message, can really alter my mood. And obviously, it's what is said in those messages that really get to me, but it's much less of the content of those messages and how i let those messages affect me. Or those people affect me.

I care too much. And at one point i thought of that as a strength. . Now? It's most definitely my weakness. I hateeeee when i let people affect me. & i especially hate when their affect on me is GREATER than my affect on them. That is just unnacceptable to me. Just like i hate when people --friends, family, strangers-- see me cry. Sometimes i can't even control who I'm around and the tears are more for anger and frustration than anything else, but still ..those tears are personal to me and I don't like to share that with anyone. And apparently, doing so is very healthy ..sharing these "feelings" is healthy. Or whatever. I'm done talking about myself. & if i continue this down the road..someone stop me.

Don't like, physically stop me ..on the street or anything. Just like, send me a message. Ya'know ..to keep me in check. Please?

Ugh.

Clearly ..i've lost my marbles.

This is becoming a problem.
You are becoming a problem.
Don't you think so?

March

March Already!!
How time flies in the year 2010, huh?


Oh well .. Welcome :]