Stubborn Nature

This entire entry is not mine, but i could NOT have said it better myself. These are my exact feelings and thoughts and sometimes my attempt at rationalizing these thoughts doesn't work out as best as i would want them so luckily for me T.Mel explained it with perfection. 

USELESS ATTEMPTSI spent a huge chunk of today reminiscing on old friends, resenting my stubborn nature, and hating my insecurities. Now it's midnight and I think I've had enough. <--link to her page.

What's the use of it all really?
To remember the things that hurt the most,
to wish for things and make happy toasts,
to try and rekindle old flames with gone-folks?

What's the use of it?

Useless attempts at a present, burdened by your past.
If it didn't work then what now could make it last?
When you're lonely and confused you make decisions too fast...
So what's the use of it?

Useless...useless..USEless...useLESS....
USE LESS words when you're not thinking straight;
when you're irrational decision may potentially alter your fate...
when you're bored in your bed and remember a former mate...
USE LESS words when you're not thinking straight.

What's the use of it really?
In the end you will only feel silly..
For your own attempts make you look over-willing..
Vulnerability.

Useless attempts and vulnerability,
they're useless.
And to us?

Attempts at broken pasts only end with things that won't last.

--T. MEL

You're Not

the You that i want You to be.

You know,
You're not the you that you used to be.
The you that worried and tried to look out for me.
You're not the you that I want you to be.
Because you're not you and don't want to see.

You're not the you that you used to be.
The you that I loved and trusted the most.
The you who I knew made for a friend I could boast.
You're not the you that I want you to be.
Because you're not you or even ready to be.

the You that i want You to be,
would never actually question me.
You wouldn't dismiss me but listen to me.
the You that i know You to be,
trusts me.

But now you're not the you that I want you to be.
Because you're hesitating to grow up,
I know cause you told me.

I expect you to be the you I want you to be.
But I'll settle for the you that you appear to be.

--T. MEL

Life

Too Much
You ask me to be your friend,
but my love exceeds friendship.
You want me to be just a friend
and I must, then,
cherish mere minutes
between days you spend
with your lover.

You think you value me as your friend,
but your time and energy
do not belong to me
and I feel of little worth.
You touch me as a friend,
the touch impersonal,
there are no kisses I can claim,
your passion is not mine.

I am but a friend,
and that does not hurt you.
You hurry off to see your lover
so easy to leave me,
and my heart bleeds.
You do not know my pain,
for I love you much too much
to be but your friend

...............................yeah.

*sigh*

my life.