Verbatim

Title’s are tempting
I can’t always map out wrong or right
But calling you mine just seemed fitting
Felt a lot like certainty
Not so much like possession
Just potential
A sure thing in a bucket of blind folds
Something to sleep to
And a face worth waking up for
As for you

Titles must’ve sounded like
land mines going off
Secret agendas, unknown expectations
Friendly fire’s in pure form
Like tight rope walking over pointed cliffs
And a not so beautiful horizon
Proof that we handle our senses differently
See God blessed me with poet’s hands
And gave you photographer’s vision
Hence, You trust in what you see
As for me, I’m all feelings

I kept you close
But held you differently
Hugs more like “Have you smiled today?”
Less like “Tell me how your day was.”
On camera, it may all look the same
But in my hands, I cradled you unbreakable
Wouldn’t let your heart hit ground
Even as I found myself falling
Couldn’t honestly tell you what I expected
Can only speak on that which I’m sure

Fact: allowing you to call me friend was my hearts greatest compromise
Not quite the title I had hoped for
Silly me
Naïve and still playing make believe
You made me believe you’d love me like they never could
Like you saw something different with that radar of yours
But those seven letters just made my love seem miniscule
Like something I should have reserved for sand boxes during recess

I don’t make love to my friends
Don’t flippantly offer up kisses
May seem keen on affection
But my adoration aint that frivolous
And I’m trying to be cooperative
… It’s just that negotiations haven’t always been my strong point
Especially when I call myself feeling certain


Plain and simple
This is not what I signed up for
And in most cases, the lesser sentence is preferable
But when I loved you like I love you
All or nothing’s the only fit
And you only cop pleas for a lesser sentence
When it’s a crime you did not commit

I did this on purpose
Shamelessly, even
Yet somehow it’s been restrained to friendship
So, give me time to gather my things
My personals
The ones I so intricately placed in your space
Fear not when you realize it was my energy that made your home feel familiar
Friends help with dishes
Not come over to make you dinner
And should you ever realize mistakes
Are the weapons you’ve manufactured in mass production

Wave your white flag
But don’t’ call this compromise
The only peace treaty I’m down for
Is the one that gives me a larger piece of you
The things I used to look forward to
I never needed the title of friendship
To validate what I already knew
What I wanted was something more
Something like certainty mixed with potential
No land mines or friendly fire
My love is the only front line worth fighting on
The only one capable of guaranteeing a safe passage home
If you’re ready for what, at times, may seem like high waters
Fasten your boot straps
But put down the machine gun
No protective gear is needed
You are safe here
Recognize me as friend
Only to assure yourself that we could never be enemies
Let’s take on a larger title
By now, it may seem trivial
But if it makes my wounds worth it
Know it’s all that I’ve been fighting for