Filled with Regret

& here goes:

Wow, reading old posts on here really brings me back to simpler times. I can't believe there was ever a time where I didn't give a fuck. Shame on me, forreal. I wouldn't wish on anyone the feeling I have right now. And I'm fully responsible for my actions and I hate to use the word regret because you only do things you want to do in life, but it pains me to have to say that I regret it. All of it. Every single moment of it. And, God, if I could ..I wouldn't even have chosen to meet this person, even as a friend. That's how powerful I feel right now. And for as long as I've been trying to put it out of my mind, the same bad habits just kept reoccuring preventing me from getting away from it all. The only thing holding me back is the number of mutual friends who I still want to keep in my life and also the fact that I've gotten so attached to you that I don't even know where to begin to distance myself.

We've strayed so far from the friendship we started off with. And I'd give soooooo much to be back there and go back to whatever-the-fuck moment it was where we BOTH decided to do this because I wouldve said No. And said that this really would alter our friendship. But I swore I was stronger than that. But let's be real: its changed everything. I'm not the same way I was with you and vice versa. You bite your tongue for so many things. I think you fear my reaction. Which u shouldn't but everyone handles things differently and I respect that. But I miss old things. Old friendly things. And we won't go back to that. Atleast not for a while. A very long while. I miss the old you.

We are both to blame for a solid friendship gone bad.