Do You?

My playlist deserved a much-needed makeover. I'm not in that sappy-love song kind of mood anymore. I've been listening to a lot of different stuff, mostly radio-music and certain tunes catch my eye here & there. But, anyway .. this post isn't about music.

I was re-reading my posts from last year & stuff and i DO NOT like the writer i've become. Writing was never supposed to be about me. and that's ALL it's been about recently. No one wants to hear/read me babble on about the troubles in my life and the disappointmens i've endured. Especially not when i'm rewriting about my mistakes week in & week out. At this point I can only blame myself. Another thing is .. and i just came to terms with this after finding some old love notes [lol, passed around during highschool] is that .. i don't want to allow anyone the comfort and satisfaction of hurting me.

Let me clarify. I don't like to put myself in a position where someone else's actions can affect my life. Or someone's words. I used to be the type of girl who would let these wrongdoings just roll off of my back and i would keep it moving. But, that is far from the case now. I let things affect me..and i wear those emotions on my sleeve. I'm too much of an emotional person right now that it's interfering with my rational and reasonable judgement.

Prime example: I can be in the jolliest of moods, happy with everything around me ..and something so small, an e-mail, a text message, can really alter my mood. And obviously, it's what is said in those messages that really get to me, but it's much less of the content of those messages and how i let those messages affect me. Or those people affect me.

I care too much. And at one point i thought of that as a strength. . Now? It's most definitely my weakness. I hateeeee when i let people affect me. & i especially hate when their affect on me is GREATER than my affect on them. That is just unnacceptable to me. Just like i hate when people --friends, family, strangers-- see me cry. Sometimes i can't even control who I'm around and the tears are more for anger and frustration than anything else, but still ..those tears are personal to me and I don't like to share that with anyone. And apparently, doing so is very healthy ..sharing these "feelings" is healthy. Or whatever. I'm done talking about myself. & if i continue this down the road..someone stop me.

Don't like, physically stop me ..on the street or anything. Just like, send me a message. Ya'know ..to keep me in check. Please?

Ugh.

Clearly ..i've lost my marbles.

This is becoming a problem.
You are becoming a problem.
Don't you think so?